F. Sylvester Lybica
Chief Staff Writer
F. Sylvester Lybica was born in a tiger pit in 1814 near historic South Boston (Va.), founded at the site of Boyd’s Ferry. This region played a key role in the American Revolution, as it was there that American general Nathanael Greene—hired to replace Guantanamo Bay resident and future defense secretary Horatio “Robert” Gates, who aided our enemies and humiliated democracy by losing to a royalist wonk—crossed the Dan River into Virginia and
covered Gates’ ass defeated Lt. General “The Lord” Charles Cornwallis in a game of war by a score of 264 dead people to 532 dead people.
This prompted the British to place Cornwallis on waivers. After remaining unsigned, Cornwallis retired in 1782 and was offered a front office job. (Today, South Boston (Va.) boasts “moderately priced housing” and is the hometown of America’s premier jumpsuit technology engineers, Ward and Jeff Burton.)
Lybica went on to do many things after his birth and subsequent career as a feral child, which will go unmentioned here: The four-volume history of his life—F. Sylvester’s Lyb’merica—is currently involved in a copyright infringement suit with former musician, current president of The Hair Club for Assholes, and copyright-lawsuit enthusiast Lars Ulrich over the use of English letters A, C, L, T, M, I, and E, which appear throughout the masterwork.
Pending the outcome of civil litigation, all that can be mentioned here is that he may have founded this website—and the rest of his story, which remains to be told.
Having celebrated his bicentennial in May of 2014, he continues breaking new ground in the realm of chamber music while suffering from only mild dementia.*
Transforming Robot Character Impressionist
Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
Lead Magazine Roller
This guy. What can you say? I love you, man.
He comes to Earth, immaculately sent by Bro Heaven itself. When he is not performing any of the listed roles, Otto may be found flexing his beard and kicking sand into the eyes of his popped collar, which “was lookin’ at [his] girl.”
You may also catch him as the understudy for the role of massive racist George Wallace in the upcoming stage production of “States’ Rights the Musical: American Teabagger,” slated for opening in 2027 (co-written, directed, and produced by Rand and Ron Paul; starring Sarah Palin as massive* racist Strom Thurmond and this jelly doughnut as massive** racist Rush Limbaugh).
He is also the author of The Oddity‘s English grammar column, “Talk Good, Feel Good.”