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Do The Zoidberg

Try to keep the hooliganism to a minimum, if possible.

I’m not sure if this was intentional or unintentional. Nevertheless, I’m very happy it was immortalized on Vine.

Following his unlikely fourth-quarter touchdown reception during Week 11’s Sunday Night Football Ass-Beating Game between the Indianapolis Colts and the New England Patriots, Colts left tackle Anthony “Costanza” Castonzo totally did the Zoidberg Dance:

For comparison, here’s Zoidberg doing the Himself Dance, set to some metal music for some reason:

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Jimi Lives…on Craig’s List

And he needs a carpenter. Have you ever built experience?

Jimi Lives

 

 

 

Be Prepared

You never know when you’ll find yourself in a Cormac McCarthy novel.

I left this on the shelf as I am already well-versed in the areas of equine pre-, neo-, and post- natal care.*

 

*Claim may have been fabricated.

Speedy delivery.

Zapped Onto Internet via Nuclear Walkie Talkie

Oxy Mor(m)on

Incidentally, this was on clearance at The Best Store Ever for a dollar.

I guess that means buying this book is like getting mugged, wherein one is punched hard enough to inflict brain damage while having the bus fare torn from one’s hand.

October Sports U-Cap!

“Yes, lieutenant. He was definitely here. Recently.”

Caption this yourself in the comments, if you’d like! The first one has been done for you.

A baloo is a bear.

Via Bill Hanstock. Follow him on Twitter here.

Reminders Found In Surprising Places

The Forefather of Bad Internet Photoshop

Thanks, Destructoid. This is accurate.

False Advertising

I’m on the spectrum,

so when even my peripheral vision registers the word in just about any context, my head is on a swivel.

Naturally, upon seeing the words “Autism Companion,” my attention was locked in.

It turned out to be total bullshit though—I called everyone in this book, and no one seemed even remotely interested in going on a date with me.

I’m suing the raisins off this grocery store.

Autism Companion

 

 

Week III Fantasy Football Update

At Least I Don’t Have a Unibrow

  • My two sleeper-running-back locks going into the draft—Montee Ball and Eddie Lacy—have to this point been largely locked in a sleeper hold, which was presumably administered by Ted DiBiase.
  • I won a matchup due to heroics from Mssrs. Russell Wilson, Julio Jones, [Col.] Emmanuel Sanders, and Jeremy Maclin in addition to my opponent’s heroic benching of Mssr. Victor Cruz.
  • I share a hairstyle and a Resting Bitch Face with Baltimore Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco.

You apparently complete me, JoFlacc.

By Kevin B. Moore (Own work) [CC-BY-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

By Kevin B. Moore (Own work) [CC-BY-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

Srsly? No. 1

The Biscuiteer

Srsly.

I put this in after I had exhausted the breadth of my username creativity, thinking there wasn’t a chance in hell it would be taken.

Not only was it already taken, but it’s also a hashtag on Twitter.

As it turns out… fin

Dispatches From The Field

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